Friday, September 02, 2005
My pay account ran out and my grammar is shot to shit.
Rereading these entries I feel like a real douchebag of a person, and a mediocre writer at best.
Sites like Myspace will be the end of true blogging. Once well-thought entries will be replaced by quizzes, lists, preferences. This will become the norm. People will be too close-knit to their peers to write anything candid or raw. We'll all be on drugs to curve the highs and lows. Everyone will leave a virtual trail of screennames and profiles. We'll all be traceable somehow. This is what will happen.
I like personal pictures and no writing. Or writing and no personal pictures. It somehow feels wrong to have both.
Posted at 2.9.05 by
brevity
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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
I decided recently that I ought to start calling myself "bisexual". What with the attraction towards both sexes and all. This is all well and good, I'm enjoying the change in identity. But now I feel a slight, nagging pressure to join some kind of GLBT organization and tack rainbow pins onto my clothes. It was so easy to announce myself as a Gay-Straight-Alliance member when I was doing this for my friends, but I'm not sure how I feel about doing it for myself. Strangely.
I'm also very content with David right now. Very content. Long-term content. Part of me still wants to 'sow my wild oats' before settling into something that I can only hope is long-term, but that part of me is quelled for now. I suppose ideally I'd put this on hiatus, go out and have several illicit and failed affairs, come back and get married. But you can't really plan these things out, right?
I've whored myself out to Facebook.
Life is great right now. I couldn't be happier. Really.
Posted at 4.5.05 by
brevity
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Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Last night I dreamt about iridescent horses that lived in caves. They were a national secret, accessible only through a door behind a large, immobile rock. I was happy to know they existed. They had beautiful, light purple eyes that glittered in the moonlight.
How valid is my pay-account here, now? And how much desire do I have left to keep up a blog? It isn't that I don't have the time... Maybe if I put forth more effort into school that would be an issue.
Java homework due in two hours. Still a quirk I can't figure out, but I refuse to ask for help.
No new and interesting trains of thought to discuss. I think my roommate doesn't like me. I know I don't like her.
I purposefully cut off this blog from anyone I personally know, but they may have found it again. So no secrets. Jeff.
I did the pot. I'm not sure I want to do it again. Now the new urge...have sex with a girl. The more passionate and emotion-free, the better.
Posted at 5.4.05 by
brevity
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Life is, in a word....sucking.
Have a profound and unshakeable urge to try marijuana, but barred from doing so while dating Mr. Drug-Free.
We fought today. Twice, actually. Once about general breaking-up/incompatibility problems. And then I forgot to call him and he...gets his rage on. I want to end it. But I don't want to be single. I want male companionship. But don't want to hound a poor male with a rebound relationship.
Feel sick with suckitude. Doing everything wrong. Anxiety, stomach ache. Bad grades, declining still. A mess.
I don't write like I used to. Not remotely. I barely read, let alone write. I barely do anything.
Posted at 9.3.05 by
brevity
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Sunday, March 06, 2005
I'm back. Hello.
Posted at 6.3.05 by
brevity
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Friday, September 10, 2004
In the height of my boredom I started talking to a person on AIM who thinks they're a vampire.
I am feeding their delusions to ease my boredom, which is highly immoral.
And yet I'm not going to stop.
Posted at 10.9.04 by
brevity
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Saturday, September 04, 2004
I've been isolating my non-'group' friends lately. They call me, I don't call back. They invite me to things, and I don't show without explanation. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I don't feel like stopping. I think I'm using my current friends as crutches because
The fear of leaving is really starting to sink in, and I think I may have to spend one night sobbing for this to be fixed. It's the pussy way out, but an honest one too. I might play some climatic music while crying.
I haven't read more than two books this summer, and I don't really care. It doesn't feel like a tragedy. Maybe books aren't my thing. Maybe I don't have to sound smart. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I should just opt for some solid happiness.
Ideally I could prolong this purgatory by crafting a new identity for myself on the internet. A new blog, a new look, a new style. I would spend hours wasting away in front of my precious laptop...fuck college, fuck my social life...I will be accepted by someone, somewhere.
These fears will be gone by tomorrow, if not later tonight.
Posted at 4.9.04 by
brevity
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
So it appears that my peers and I have reached yet another awkward and decisive plateau in our lives. Quite mutually. Weird.
I don't like this new transformation and it's ensuing confusion. I don't like the guilt and shame that are associated with brutal honesty, despite the need to get some stories out in the open. I don't like that I am no longer the happily cynical person I once was, but have no desire to change. I don't like having to readjust my self-image.
Mostly, I don't like that I will be relocating in one month. I feel like I will be replaced and all of this time spent socializing will be for naught. I will slowly gain new and better friends, grow distant from my current ones. I will be tempted by drugs, boys and radical ideologies, and might well give into many.
Run of the mill fears. They aren't really getting the better of me.
Posted at 25.8.04 by
brevity
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Saturday, August 21, 2004
I just got my rooming assignment from the UW and I am not too pleased. Instead of my intended roommate I am now boarding with one Jennifer M. Lee, and one Raquel Y. Chavez. And I am to be living in Lander Hall. The largest, ugliest, and apparently least ventilated building on campus.
They gave me addresses and telephone numbers along with my future roommate's names. I ought to call or write, but I'm feeling suddenly sullen and antisocial.
Beth is going to have a panic attack. I know she shudders worse than I at the thought of strangers.
"Rooming assignments cannot be changed until everyone has been offered a space." Fuckers.
Posted at 21.8.04 by
brevity
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Friday, August 20, 2004
Jesus, Mary, Muhammand and Vishnu!
I went camping. I saw chipmunks, small trout, bluejays, a rabbit, and one very lost housecat. I feasted on home-cooked meals and made stupid little things out of clay and tried to bake them to no avail. I swam in the river, did crossword puzzles, read a book, and missed David much more than intended. All in all, though, much fun was to be had.
Meanwhile, my dad sipped brandy and smoked a cigar. No joke. It was the most bizarre thing I've seen him do. I felt like some kind of
I don't mind the brandy- the smell is actually quite nice, but the cigar smelt like burnt rubber. It was foul. And it lingered. It seeped into our clothes and the tent and stayed for a few hours. I felt like we'd polluted nature with our nasty, human stench.
I will write a review on
Life of Pi when I have it finished. I am halfway through as of yet.
Why the fuck did Blogdrive change the entry format? Just when I had forgotten the basics of HTML they make them all mandatory again. Thanks, jerks. Eh. More and more I feel lost in this blogging community. Might have lost my edge- whatever that was.
Posted at 20.8.04 by
brevity
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